Whereas: Snakes can smell with their tongues, hear through their skin, and get by on as few as six meals a year.
Whereas the world’s smallest snake is 2” long, the world’s largest is roughly 38’ long, and a 60 million-year-old snake fossil found in Colombia measures over 50’.
Whereas snakes can live up to 170 years in captivity but lose and regrow their fangs up to 10 times a year.
Whereas an Australian death adder can strike 7 times a second.
And, whereas there are no snakes in New Zealand, but one island in Brazil is essentially reserved for the deadly golden pit viper.
Now, therefore, be it resolved that Snakes. Are. Awesome.
Whereas: Awesome Snakes are a Minneapolis punk duo featuring Annie Sparrows’ driving, distorted bass, her former Soviettes bandmate Danny Henry on drums, and an array of lightly edited vintage audio clips.
Whereas their album “Venom,” a self-described garage-flavored lo-fi dance punk-adjacent ode to the words “Awesome,” “Snake,” and “Jerk,” was originally released as a cassette in 2004, then as a CD in 2006. And, whereas, if you don’t like snakes, Awesome Snakes doesn’t like you.
Now, therefore, be it resolved that Awesome Snakes’ “Venom” is now available as a compact disc, digital download and—coming soon!—limited edition vinyl edition from Stand Up! Records, your home for midwestern DIY punk-comedic herpetology.